


Compromising Positions

by CallmeG



Series: The Criminal Files [1]
Category: Criminal Minds
Genre: F/M, Gen, He's gonna need brain bleach, Humor, Reid keeps catching Hotch and Prentiss in compromising positions, Smut, Sorry Reid, hotchniss, mature - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:33:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,120
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26384194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CallmeG/pseuds/CallmeG
Summary: 5 times Reid was scarred by Hotchniss getting their groove on.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Spencer Reid, Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss, Spencer Reid & Emily Prentiss
Series: The Criminal Files [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1917502
Comments: 1
Kudos: 74





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> Credit for most of these chapter ideas goes to the Hotchniss gc on Tumblr where people go for a laugh and then make story ideas out of it you're the best guys x

The insistent knocking on the door managed to startle Derek Morgan from his very comfortable, very muchly needed doze. Stumbling from his hotel bed and pulling on an FBI hoodie, he groaned as the knocking got louder.

“Morgan! Morgan open up!”

Derek finally got to the door and yanked it open, glaring at Spencer Reid.

“What is it, Reid? What time is it, what’s going on?”

“It’s 11:54pm and I was wondering if it was okay to sleep in your room tonight?”

Morgan tilted an eyebrow, rubbing at an eye.

“What’s wrong with yours? Did the inherent absence of light get you again?”

“I think Hotch and Emily are having sex.”

Derek just snorted, stepping back to let his younger colleague in.

“If Hotch is getting some then there’s something seriously wrong with this world. C’mon; you can take the couch.”

Spencer’s head found the couch in seconds, the rest of his body following while Morgan tossed a spare blanket and pillow at him. The younger agent curled up, ready for some sleep. Morgan was snoring again in seconds, stretched out across his bed as usual.

The next morning Jennifer Jareau met up with Morgan at the elevator, appearing well rested and ready to go. Morgan groaned as he pressed the button to call the elevator, stretching out his arms and back.

“What’s up with you?” JJ asked, looking him up and down. He just sighed.

“Have you seen Reid this morning?”

“No, I’ve been in my room. Why?”

“He’s convinced Hotch and Emily were doin’ the dirty last night-“

“-ugh, Morgan, stop talking. I didn’t need to know that.”

JJ grimaced, her eyebrows furrowing in disgust… or maybe TMI. Stepping into the elevator, she leaned back against the wall.

“What made him think that?”

“I thought you didn’t want to know?” Morgan teased. Right before the doors closed Dave Rossi and the suspected couple Emily Prentiss and Aaron Hotchner slipped in. They all greeted each other, Morgan snorting to himself.

“So get this, Hotch; Reid was convinced you and Em were rockin’ the bed frame last night-“

“-Morgan.”

Hotch’s voice was low as a warning and it shut Morgan up immediately while Rossi and Emily stifled laughter. JJ looked grossed out.

“And I haven’t even had coffee yet.”

At the back of the café the team found Spencer, four books deep and at least three cups of coffee in him. It was barely 8am and by the looks of him he hadn’t slept a wink. JJ ruffled his hair but Spencer grabbed her hand to make her sit next to him, Morgan sitting on his other side. He couldn’t look Emily or Hotch in the eye- he could barely look at them at all. Rossi glanced at the three of them then determined he didn’t care what was going on and took Reid’s mug of coffee from his hand.

“Maybe slow down a little on the caffeine intake, okay kid? That’s probably what made you dream last night.”

“What? I didn’t- I didn’t _dream_ it! Emily and Hotch were-“

Spencer couldn’t finish his sentence and everyone struggled to contain their laughter at his adorable blush. For a moment, Aaron and Emily glanced at each other, leaning in to whisper.

“Should we tell them?” He murmured. Emily shook her head quickly, smirking.

“Why would we tell them? Last night was great, I have no regrets. God, the way you do that thing with your tongue-“

“-Emily. Not here.”

Sneaking her hand under the table, Emily gave his upper thigh- _not_ _crotch, upper thigh_ \- a squeeze. He jumped but covered it with a sip of coffee that no doubt would have burned his tongue as it was freshly refilled. Leaning toward her again, he whispered in her ear.

“No regrets here either.”

She shivered; his voice made her weak and he knew it. If he kissed her then and there no one would have noticed as they were so busy taking the piss out of Reid having caffeine-induced sex dreams about his boss and colleague.

“I don’t get it, Pretty Boy- you could have any girl you choose, but your mind goes to… your brain went to _Hotch_ and _Emily_? Uh- no offence, guys.”

“None taken,” Emily blurted, startled from her silent flirting with Aaron who cleared his throat and reached for a menu.

“Breakfast, anyone? Let’s have some breakfast.”

“Good idea,” JJ agreed, reaching for a menu too. Reid pouted, in a familiar way to all of them that meant he was confused.

“Why doesn’t anyone believe me?”

“Because it’s highly unlikely, Reid. Hotch is the last person I would think Emily would sleep with- uh, again, no offence boss.”

“None taken. What do we know about our unsub?”

Just like that the team fell into a more comfortable discussion, making notes about the unsub like Reid hadn’t just suggested two colleagues were sleeping together. Totally casual, nothing happened here.

Under the table, Emily had her leg wrapped around Aaron’s suit pants-covered leg and he had a hand subtly rubbing over her knee. Poor Reid.

“I think we hurt Reid’s feelings.”

Morgan stopped walking, glancing at JJ who was a couple lengths behind him in the precinct. As usual he was walking fast and she was short so it took her a couple of seconds to catch up to him. When she did she pushed him into an unused office, closing the door behind her.

“What if he’s right?”

Morgan’s brows furrowed and he took JJ by the shoulders. 

“JJ. Aaron Hotchner is the least attractive man we know. Dude barely knows how to smile, let alone make bedroom eyes. That one time he did was at Kate Joyner and well- she’s dead! Hotch has a deadly dick!”

“Emily isn’t dead; and please- don’t use his full name when talking about _bedroom_ _eyes_. Ever.”

Grimacing, JJ rubbed at her temple while Morgan was confused.

“ _That_ was what got you? Not deadly dick?”

“I shut that one out. And don’t be mean to Hotch; I know a lot of victims think he’s pretty attractive.”

Winking, JJ slipped out the door again and Morgan facepalmed. He honestly didn’t need to think about this on top of a cruel unsub.


	2. Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oh this is also on tumblr!! Check out crinkled-emotions if you want to read it there :)

It had been a long case and the entire team was elated when they landed back in Quantico. No one suggested dinner or going out; it had been a tough one and they all knew they wanted to decompress in different ways. For example, JJ was already reaching for her phone to call Will, Morgan was looking up football games that were replaying on TV for when he got home, and Rossi was rummaging around in his office for a pen and notebook or something. Apparently he’d been inspired. Glancing at each other, Emily slipped her hand into Aaron’s and squeezed it subtly. Now that she had his attention, she very slightly tilted her head toward his office. He went to shake his head, maybe panic, maybe pass out because having sex at work is such a no-no in his eyes, but she grinned and stretched her arms out a little to reveal the top of her purely lace panties. A true American man, Aaron’s eyes widened and she knew his heart sped up just a little. Grinning to herself she headed for her desk while he high tailed it for his office holding his briefcase tightly to his crotch. He knew her; if she was wearing lace panties, she’d be wearing the matching lace bralette and it made him want to do ungodly things to her his mother would have sent him to the priest for.

A couple of minutes passed. The entire bullpen was dark, no one else was still there; it was just them and it was the perfect time for her. Getting up she switched off her computer and grabbed her bag, slipping into his office. Sitting at his desk, hands curled into fists, Aaron looked every bit the tortured guy. His eyes met hers and she grinned.

“Oh, you’re in charge tonight are you, _Agent Hotchner_?”

In two seconds he had the blinds closed, the lights off and her in his arms. Their lips met right as her ass landed on the filing cabinet pushed up against his window and she groaned low in her throat, chasing his lips with her own.

If there was anything Aaron Hotchner was good at, it was kissing. He was incredible at it and she didn’t know how he got so good at it considering he’d only really been with three people tops in his lifetime. The thought made her giggle and he pulled away from her neck in confusion. Giving him a kiss, Emily smiled to herself.

“I was just thinking how cute it is that you’ve literally only slept with three people yet you’re the best kisser I’ve ever met.”

“Should I be offended?”

“I said you were a good kisser!” She protested and found that brought a smile to his features. Reaching in to kiss her again, his hands found the buckle and zip on the back of her skirt.

“Get up.”

“Bossy.”

Cursing himself, Reid punched his ID number into the scanner before allowing it to scan his finger and eye, unlocking the building for him. Rushing to the elevator, he hoped Hotch was still there. It was kind of important that he got those files sooner rather than later. He could do the profile tonight and send it to the police in Maryland tomorrow morning if he got them now; less time for their killer to kill someone else. The elevator let him out at the BAU floor and Spencer headed for the door, surprised to find it unlocked but none of the lights on. Remembering sometimes Hotch stayed really late nights on difficult cases to decompress before going home to an empty apartment, Spencer had the briefest moment of hope that his boss was asleep in his office. Glancing at the door he could see that the desk lamp was still on and his go-bag was in its usual spot, so he was still here. Opening his desk drawer Spencer couldn’t see the files he needed and frowned, pushing that drawer closed so he could open the filing drawer underneath.

“Fuck. Those files were on my desk. Where did they-“

“ _Oh my god, Emily, Emily, Em…”_

Stopping dead in his tracks, Spencer slowly turned toward where his boss’ voice had come from and grimaced when he caught a glimpse of Hotch’s broad shoulders without a shirt, covered in scratch marks. Part of him wanted to take a photo; the team would believe him if he had that sort of proof. The other part of him knew it was time to get out of there before Emily ended up against the window-

Ah. Too late.

A hand pressed to the glass to keep her balance, Emily rode their boss with ease and Spencer knew he was never going to see them the same ever again. Hearing them had been disturbing, but _seeing_ them going at it? It was like catching your parents- y’know. That made Spencer sick to his stomach and he grabbed all of the files in his drawer, stuffing them all into his satchel and bolting for the door.

Back in the office, both were coming off their highs and Aaron settled in his chair, half naked while Emily was completely stripped. Holding her to his chest, he heard a door close and his eyes darted to the window, unable to see anyone because the blinds were closed. Chuckling against his chest, Emily pressed kisses to his jaw.

“That was close.”

“Okay, you’ve had your fun. Go home; I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“Aaron what happened wasn’t your fault.”

Apparently that was exactly what he needed to hear; his shoulders relaxed, eyebrows releasing and Emily kissed him, letting their foreheads touch for a moment.

“It’s not your fault. He’d made up his mind before we’d gotten on the plane. There was no way we could have saved those girls.”

He hummed, wrapping his arms around her waist and burying his head into her shoulder. Her hand found his hair and began to softly stroke through it, wishing he wouldn’t be so hard on himself.

“Morning Reid.”

Spencer jumped at least six feet in the air when Emily greeted him. Shoving at least five packets of sugar in his mouth- paper and all- he took off back for his desk with a mug of coffee in his hand. Emily went to ask what was wrong before she shrugged it off, turning back to get coffee for herself. Spencer had his moments; if he was being weird he had a reason for it. Sometimes his worries got the better of him; she’d talk to him about it later.

“Hey; everything okay between you and Pretty Boy?”

Morgan appeared beside her, pouring himself a mug too. Emily shrugged.

“Everything was fine when we left last night. Probably had a weird dream or something.”

“I can’t believe he thought you and Hotch were gettin’ it on,” Morgan chuckled to himself. Emily internally smacked him, but externally shrugged.

“I don’t think he’s been sleeping well lately; the mind does all kind of crazy shit when you’re sleep deprived.”

“You’re telling me,” Derek agreed. He went back to his desk and Emily followed shortly after, glancing up toward Aaron’s office where he appeared to be in yet another argument with an overly confident LEO or even Strauss. Woman thought she had total control over him; Aaron was no one’s bitch but Emily’s. Maybe she ought to remind him of that someday.


	3. Three

The entire team was exhausted as they walked into the hotel lobby. JJ handed everyone their room keys and they all said goodnight, separating for their rooms. Emily was the only one who had a little bit of energy left and it was obvious as she practically skipped to her room. JJ, Hotch, Morgan and Rossi all bid Spencer goodnight as they entered their rooms and he went into his own, closing the door behind himself. Dumping his go bag on the dresser he realised he needed to ask Emily what she’d gotten from the family that day so he could work a little more on the geographic profile; maybe Hotch would have some ideas too. He always seemed to have a few tricks up his sleeve. Before he did any of that, though, he needed a shower and some comfortable clothes. He knew he had a pair of sweats in his bag somewhere, and a hoodie that he may or may not have stolen from Morgan a while ago.

Freshly showered, Spencer got himself comfortable and reached for his phone to call Emily. When it went straight to voicemail he tried to remember if he knew her room number. She was just down the hallway; wasn’t she next to Rossi? Getting off his bed he put on some socks and grabbed a notebook as well as a pen just in case she had something useful for him. Heading for the door, he didn’t even hear Hotch coming behind him.

_Aaron: be there in a sec_

_Emily: better hurry_

_Emily: I can’t do this without you_

_Emily: I have a gift_

_Aaron: I’m sure you do, honey_

Flicking her phone off, Emily climbed back on to the bed and tossed her hair over her shoulder, smoothing down her outfit before making sure she had everything she needed for him on the bedside table. There was a knock at the door and she grinned.

“It’s open!”

The door pushed open and her jaw dropped.

“Oh my god-“

“-Emily, I-“

“-turn around!”

Spencer immediately did as told, turning to the wall while Emily scrambled for a pair of sweats and a long hoodie. Shoving the massage oil and vibrator into the drawer, she straightened.

“Okay it’s good, you can look now.”

“I- I don’t want to turn around.”

“What is going on here?”

The person she’d been waiting for, the person she’d offered a massage to, her stressed out man- he’d just walked in the door. His shoulders immediately tensed and Emily leapt up from the bed to grab his hand and stop him from leaving.

“Not what it looks like. Please just stay.”

“Reid why are you facing the wall?” Aaron questioned. Spencer looked like he was either going to hurl or pass out.

“Can you two _not_ have sex while we’re on a case? I wanted to ask Emily some questions about today but you two are clearly busy- I’ll uh- I’ll see you guys at breakfast.”

Stumbling over the dresser, the end of the bed, Hotch and then Emily, Spencer finally made it out the door and Aaron closed it behind him, reaching behind himself to present the bottle of rose he had bought earlier. Emily smiled, reaching up to kiss him.

“Go and get comfortable on the bed; I’ll get us glasses.”

Stripping off his sweats, shirt and underwear, Aaron found the perfect spot on the bed to rest. Leaning on his stomach he used his arms to pillow his head. Yelping when Emily whacked his ass on her way past, he fixed her with a glare and she just laughed at him.

“What, never been spanked?”

“I-I… no?”

That made her laugh harder.

“Lie still.”

He heard her open a drawer nearby and knew she had the bottle of their favourite massage oil. Expecting to get smacked again he tensed up when she settled with her legs either side of his back he was pleasantly surprised when her hands began to work on his shoulders in slow, gentle movements. He could feel when her hair tickled his neck as she leaned in close to his ear.

“Can you come just like this? Just my hands on your body, just the blanket to rock against?”

Oh, she is _evil_. Despite wanting to say no, his body tingled with just that so instead he whined. This time she did spank him, swatting at his asscheek.

“Words,” she hissed.

“Yes, yes I can, Emily,” he panted. With a smile, she poured more oil on to her hand.

“Good.”

Lying on his back in bed, wide awake, Spencer was surprised there hadn’t been a noise complaint from other guests. He could hear every groan, squeak, every god damn _movement_ from Emily and Hotch and- _seriously_ , guys, people are dying and you’re doing kinky shit. Sighing, Spencer rolled on to his side and put a pillow on top of his head. When that didn’t suppress the noise, he made the decision that Morgan would just have to put up with sharing his bed for the night. Getting up, it took only a couple of seconds for Spencer to locate Derek’s extra room key he had given to him and put his hoodie back on, heading for the door. To his surprise, the whole team (except for Hotch and Emily, of course) were standing outside their rooms, whispering to each other. JJ spotted Spencer and frowned.

“They wake you too, Spence?”

“It’s Hotch and Emily again,” he said which earned snorts from the other team members.

“I think it’s just a couple on their honeymoon. They’ll stop soon, hopefully,” Morgan said. JJ agreed and Dave sighed.

“If they don’t I’m calling security. No one should be that loud in a public hotel.”

“Can I sleep in your room?” Spencer asked Derek, who shrugged.

“If you want; I can’t promise it’s going to be much better though.”

“If it’s even slightly quieter I might get some sleep.”

“Fine. C’mon. Night guys, good luck.”

“You too Morgan.”

Rossi and JJ went back to their respective rooms, Spencer following Derek back to his a little further down the hallway.

The next morning everyone was doing their best impressions of zombies at the breakfast table; even coffee couldn’t help them. JJ was napping against Morgan’s shoulder, Spencer was trying to get as much coffee as possible before he went into cardiac arrest, and Rossi was reading over the menu trying to decide if he needed sugar for breakfast or something filling. Hotch was at the top of the table, reading a menu and shifting uncomfortably occasionally. He looked like he hadn’t slept at all and when Emily joined them she seemed surprised by everyone’s mood.

“Damn, what happened?”

“Some couple were having honeymoon sex last night. It went on for _hours_ ,” Morgan complained, taking Spencer’s coffee off him before he could refill the mug. Rossi had taken to putting his head on the table and Hotch was red as a tomato. Emily frowned.

“I didn’t hear anything; did you, Hotch?”

“N-no, no I didn’t.”

His eyes back on his menu, Emily knew she’d done a good job and couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her lips. Everyone glanced at her and she shrugged.

“What? We’re here to catch a killer and someone else is getting the best sex of their life; isn’t that slightly funny?”

“Sit down, Prentiss,” Hotch murmured. She went to challenge him when he raised an eyebrow just enough to tell her he wasn’t joking. She sat quietly, reaching for a mug to get coffee for herself and her lover- I mean, her boss. Her boss, mmhmm. Spencer hesitated for a second, before finally he shoved his chair back and stood.

“Hotch, I know you and Emily were having sex last night and I want you to be honest with us.”

_What, that I got spanked so hard I can barely sit right now? Sure thing, Reid._

“We’re not- Spencer, we’re not a… we’re friends. Colleagues. Family, even. We’re not having sex.”

“You were wearing lingerie last night when I walked into your room! You were waiting for him!”

“I had a Tinder date!” Emily hissed but JJ put a hand up to stop the conversation there, mum-mode kicking in.

“Spencer, did you knock?”

“Yeah. Of course I did.”

“Emily, why were you wearing lingerie? Was it that set I got you for Christmas?”

Emily nodded excitedly and mum-mode JJ was gone, in her place excited-friend JJ. Dammit.

“Did it look good? I thought the colour would work really well with your skin tone and I wanted to make sure it was the right size-“

“-can we please not talk about Agent Prentiss’ underwear when I’m present?” Rossi murmured, silence rushing over the table like a wave. Spencer, frustrated, sat down and stared at the table.

“Hey, Hotch, you okay? You look like you pulled a muscle or somethin’.”

Morgan’s voice radiated concern toward his boss and it took everything in Aaron not to turn around and tell him he’d just had the best sex of his life- no offence, Haley. Instead, he glanced over his shoulder to his subordinate.

“I guess I slept funny last night. I’m okay, Morgan.”

That seemed to arouse a little suspicion, but not enough for the younger agent to push it. Instead, he headed for a road that seemed to lead to nowhere.

“Reid thinks this might be the road that leads to the unsub’s dump sites.”

“Let’s be careful.”

That night, back at home, Emily opened a tube of numbing cream and smeared it on her palms, rubbing it carefully all over Aaron’s behind.

“That should help. Tell me if it still hurts, okay?”

“It’s my turn next time,” he murmured and she snorted.

“In your dreams. Kiss me?”

“Ha! In _your_ dreams.”

He rolled over and she decided she wasn’t taking no for an answer. Slipping her underwear off from under the sheets and tossing it to the floor, her hands were in his before he could complain- not that he was complaining, if anything he was enjoying it. Rolling on to his back he reached up to kiss her. Abruptly after, the hand in his underwear disappeared and she climbed off him, lying down under the blankets again.

“Man, I’m wrecked. Night.”

“Emily-“

“-go to sleep, we have shit to do tomorrow.”

She was asleep and he was straining in his boxers.

Evil woman.


	4. Four

The team had been split up for a case. In California Hotch and Reid were tracking one set of unsubs while Emily, JJ, Morgan and Rossi all chased the five unsubs in Wyoming. In his time at the BAU, Spencer had learned when you thought you’d seen everything you’d see something new and this time was no different; this case had needed them to split from the group. Spencer worked best under pressure and the chase in California was full of it; Wyoming had a geographic profile while California had no idea what the fuck was going on. Wyoming needed brawn and brains while California only really needed brains and Hotch at this point, because sending Reid alone would not be a good idea. Internally, Spencer was torn between being excited and terrified; he’d missed being able to spend time with his boss, but also, this same boss had been having sex with Emily for at least a year and let the rest of the team think he was nuts. Sitting in the car together at 2am, Hotch had managed to doze off in the driver’s seat so when his phone began to ring in the centre console Spencer grabbed it and clicked answer before it could wake him.

“He-“

“What are you wearing, baby?”

 _For the love of god_.

“Last week’s underwear.”

Spencer hung up before Emily could get another word in, slipping the phone back into the centre console. Hotch jolted from his sleep, looking over at Reid sleepily.

“How long was I out?”

“An hour. Emily called.”

“Is everything okay?” Hotch demanded, reaching for his phone but Spencer nodded, letting him relax.

“She just wanted to check in. They’re okay.”

“Did she call you or me?”

“You, but she couldn’t get through so she called me,” Spencer lied through his teeth. Internally he wished he was a better liar. Hotch didn’t seem to notice he was lying, perhaps too tired to argue, and he stretched out in his seat before sitting up properly.

“Anything new?”

“No; I’ve been awake this whole time and they haven’t moved. I think this is a dead end, Hotch.”

“It’s not, Reid, give it time. It’s not even three and they meet at 3:15 according to the detective’s CI.”

“Right. What if they meet early?”

“Then we’ll be here ready to go.”

Yawning, Hotch settled into his seat.

“We still have time; wake me if you see anything.”

Whatever he and Emily were doing was doing him good; he was sleeping more, eating more, beginning to open up with the team. Last week he’d asked Garcia to look up movie tickets for he and Jack and while that didn’t seem like a big thing it was important to them. Speaking of the tech guru, Spencer’s phone rang and he answered it in seconds.

“Hey, Garcia.”

“Guys I hate to say it but I think you’re in the wrong spot.”

“What? Hang on, I’m gonna put you on speaker.”

Spencer pressed the button on his phone and put it on the dash so Hotch could listen, however close to sleep he was. When he heard Penelope’s voice he perked up a little readjusting to listen properly.

“The detective and the CI have been doing icky things together for the last three months and I have a feeling the CI is actually in on the whole plan.”

Hotch swore under his breath while Spencer groaned.

“Okay; where should we go?”

“Get back on the highway and follow it toward the city. There’s a road down to the water that’s really hard to spot.”

“Okay we’re on our way… is it on the left or the right?”

“On the right.”

“There!” Spencer yelled and seconds later Hotch was pulling on to the slick road, navigating the SUV with ease and talent that only came with experience. Spencer barely blinked; Hotch was smart, he had seen him arrest someone with a paperclip and a hair tie once. Good times. The car stopped and Hotch glanced around.

“Reid, get down. Just in case.”

Spencer tucked his legs under the dash and slid down in his seat so he could only just see outside. Hotch did the same, holding his phone to his ear.

“We can’t see anything yet, Garcia.”

“Give it time, sir.”

When everything was done and wrapped up, Morgan and JJ found Spencer sitting toward the back of the jet, eyes wide while he stared straight ahead. He appeared caught up in his thoughts and Morgan took the opportunity to take the seat next to him, JJ sitting opposite.

“You okay Pretty Boy? That was quite the, uh… scene.”

“The case or Emily asking me what I was wearing, thinking I was Hotch?” He asked, snapping out of his trance. JJ baulked while Derek raised an eyebrow.

“We’ve been over this. I don’t know why you’re so set on this idea that Hotch and Prentiss are bonking.”

“I don’t know why you _aren’t_ set on the idea that Hotch and Prentiss are- that.”

Both JJ and Derek snorted at Reid’s inability to say anything even close to _sex_ unless it was in clinical terms in a work setting. Rossi boarded the plane then, settling into his usual seat. He reached for his notebook and Morgan turned his head to call for him.

“Hey, Rossi, you’d know. Is Hotch getting some?”

Rossi appeared unamused and for a second Derek was convinced he’d gotten himself into hot water before Rossi ambled over to join them, slipping in beside JJ opposite Reid and Morgan. All three agents seemed confused but Rossi just looked between them.

“This is not to leave the jet, deal?”

“Yeah, of course,” JJ blurted, Morgan and Reid both nodding. Rossi glanced around, almost hesitantly, before leaning closer to the younger three.

“He has been… gassy lately.”

“Oh my god.”

“I can’t believe we fell for that.”

JJ and Morgan groaned while Rossi grinned, ruffling Spencer’s hair and heading back to his seat. Spencer grimaced, looking to the other two.

“Now I know way too much about our boss.”

“Me too. I didn’t need to know Hotch had gas.”

“Was it the tacos?” Morgan queried, earning further grossed out noises from JJ and Reid. Speaking of the man, he stepped on with Emily not far behind and everyone stopped their giggling, instead putting their heads into case files, books, Morgan just put his head on his phone- no, seriously. Smack on his phone because he couldn’t stop laughing. Hotch glanced around, surveying the team for a second, before he went to his usual seat beside Rossi and Emily joined the others toward the back.

“What’s so funny?” She asked. Reid shrugged.

“Hotch… has gas.”

“Oh my god I thought it was just me that noticed!” Emily grinned, which broke Morgan and JJ simultaneously. They both got up and bolted for their usual seats, gently bumping and shoving each other on their way. Spencer seemed even more frustrated now, stopping Emily from moving to look her dead in the eyes.

“Swear to me you and Hotch aren’t having sex.”

“C’mon, Reid, I-“

“-Emily.”

And she sighed.

“No. We’re not. It’s just pure coincidence, okay? I swear.”

Emily reached across and gave Spencer’s hand a squeeze, dying inside for lying to him. He seemed to take it, frowning.

“Was it tacos?”

“What?”

“Tacos. Is that what made him gassy?”

“The- oh my god, I think it was. Ugh, Reid, you’re such a guy sometimes.”

“It was Morgan!” He complained as Emily got up too. She found her spot opposite Hotch and Rossi, falling into easy conversation with them. Internally Spencer was shaking with anger; she totally just lied to him and he hates being lied to… but on the other hand, the plane ride home was going to be interesting. He’d never known cool, calm and collected Hotch to have a bout of gas.


	5. Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagine if I had something to say here lmao

Peppering kisses from his chest to his jaw, Emily leaned down against Aaron and licked a trail to his ear, waiting for the moan that would slip from his lips. Sure enough his chest vibrated at the stimulation from her tongue and her hands, tucking into his underwear. His breath hitched and just at the right moment she pulled her hand away, cleaning her fingers with her tongue as she made direct eye contact. His head fell to the pillows and Emily grinned.

“Let me go get the thing.”

“Emily I swear to god if it’s the plug again-“

“-what? No, that was one time and we both paid for that. No, I’ll be… right… back.”

Aaron watched as she hopped off his hips, pressing him into the bed intentionally for leverage. In a split second she returned, hiding something behind her back that made him raise an eyebrow.

“What have you got there, my princess?”

“Princess?! Seriously, Aaron, you’re ruining the moment here. I’m the queen of this house and you know it.”

She stripped her scarlet bra and panties, tossing the underwear at Aaron’s head before climbing back on top of him to pull at his boxers. His hips rose just enough for her to pull them off even though she was still on top, making her grin. She knew her man had muscle but she didn’t think he could do _that_.

“The… Em did you seriously just say I’m _ruining_ _the moment_?”

“Well, yeah, you called me Princess!”

“And you’re sitting on my crotch naked, so can we get things going?”

“O-oh! Right!”

Shaking the can of whipped cream in her hand, Emily sprayed some on to her finger and sucked it clean, keeping eye contact with her lover the entire time. His entire body shivered at the idea that she might do that to him, to his-

Well, right up to the point that she sprayed the cream on his length and it was so cold he almost lost the erection he’d had since she’d told him what she was wearing under her usual work attire. He recovered fast enough from the shock to hold her hair back for her when she began to kiss his tip, chasing the melting cream down his length and then moving back up to swallow him whole. When she came up for air she sprayed cream in her mouth this time, pressing her lips to his before trailing down his body to the only part of his body more flushed than his face. Sending him a sly grin, she bent her head, ready to take him in when-

_Knock knock knock_

“Seriously? Now?” Aaron protested which made Emily giggle. Reaching for one of his shirts she pulled it over herself, retrieving her underwear from the bed head where he’d put them earlier.

“I’ll be right back. Don’t move and don’t fall asleep.”

“I can’t do both,” he called after her which made her laugh to herself. Making her way across her apartment she tried to flatten her hair a little and wipe the remnants of cream and cum from her lips. Once she was a little more confident she didn’t look like she’d been fucking around for four hours, she opened the door just a crack to poke her head out.

“What’s- uh, oh, hey, Reid-“

“-Emily we need to talk about you and Hotch. Now.”

“Oh, uh, funny story, Spencer, he’s actually-“

“-now, Emily. I’m tired of looking like an idiot.”

“You don’t look like an idiot, Reid. Come in, I guess.”

Stepping back Emily tried to forget about the whipped cream and Aaron in her bedroom, focusing her eyes on Spencer who paced back and forth across her living area.

“You and Hotch have been sleeping together. For _months_ , Em, you two have been messing around like- like teenagers and no one believes me because you won’t tell them! I’m so done with looking like I’m- like I’m fantasising you two together.”

“Well, I mean, I-“

Spencer sent Emily a very Hotch-look and she struggled not to smile at the glare. Aw, imitating Hotch. That’s just a little cute.

“Emily! Now you’re not listening!”

Dammit. Not so cute.

“Spencer, I don’t know what you want me to do. If- if we…”

“Em, baby, are you coming?”

Standing in the doorway to the bedroom in a pair of _very tight_ boxers, stood one wild-eyed, fluffy haired… horny Aaron Hotchner.

Spencer decided right then and there to bleach his eyeballs. His head spun and before he knew it, he was hitting the floor.

“Dammit, Aaron, you couldn’t have put on _just a little more clothing_?!”

Emily knelt by their colleague, checking his pulse. When she determined it was okay, he was just spooked, she turned her head to glare at her lover.

“Aaron! Pants. Now. Help me get him up.”

“That’s two orders,” he grumbled but did as told, finding a pair of discarded sweats that he shoved his long legs into before hefting Spencer up under his arms to lift him on to the couch. Emily slipped into the bedroom to get a little more dressed then she returned with a pillow, slipping a clean pillowcase on to it with a dirty look sent toward Aaron. He shrugged at her, covering Spencer with a blanket.

“We should get dressed properly before he wakes up.”

“Let’s go.”

“What about the whipped cream?”

“Later.”

She stopped in the middle of the room to kiss him quickly before they began to look for decent clothes. Just as he was doing up his belt they heard Spencer starting to wake up and glared at each other.

“Your turn,” Emily hissed, earning a blank look.

“ _My_ turn?”

“I’ve been the one he’s been questioning for the last eight months, you go tell him!”

“But I don’t want to-“

Aaron stopped short when Emily turned and dug in her wardrobe to produce a black box, his eyes widening. He knew what that box was, he knew what was in it and it was for only very special occasions. She wouldn’t dare.

“Tell him and you can do with this what you please tonight.”

Her voice practically purred and just the sound of it alone made his knees weak. Dammit, Emily, always coming in with the bribery and good ideas. Not fair.

“Fine.”

“H-Hotch? Prentiss?”

They heard Spencer calling from the couch and Emily gently pushed at Aaron’s shoulder.

“Off you go.”

“How are you feeling?” Hotch asked, settling on the edge of the couch where Spencer was now sitting up with the pillow held to his chest. He raised an eyebrow.

“Like my memory is my biggest curse yet.”

“Look, Reid, I-“

“-yeah yeah, it’s a secret, I know. Secret’s safe with me, but uh- sir? You may want to talk to Rossi.”

“Why would I want to talk to Rossi?”

“I think he knows.”

That made Hotch snort.

“Reid, Rossi has known since Emily and I first got together. He’s been in on the whole thing the whole time.”

“Are you kidding me?!”

“No?”

Hotch furrowed his brows as Spencer groaned, his head falling back against the couch.

“That makes so much sense! Rossi, on the jet, he had something to share but at the last moment he told me and JJ and Morgan that you had gas which distracted all of us from- well, from you and Emily.”

“I can trust Dave not to tell my secrets.”

“Can you guys _please_ just tell the others? Please?”

Awe, when he makes that face… how can Hotch say no?

“Yes, okay Reid you win. We’ll tell them.”

“Fucking finally.”

Getting up, Reid grabbed his phone and disappeared out the apartment door. Without looking over his shoulder, Aaron knew Emily was there.

“Did we just-“

“-yep.”

With everyone sitting in their usual spots at the table, Hotch got up and gently nudged JJ before she could start her presentation of their newest case. She nodded, sitting down and Hotch took a breath before he looked up to address his team, his friends, his family.

“There has been a change to the dynamic in this team lately and I think we all need to address it- questions at the end please Garcia.”

Her hand lowered and Hotch glanced to Emily for support. She seemed frustrated and, without warning, shoved her chair back to stand.

“Aaron and I are fucking. That is all, thank you, JJ can we get started?”

“Emily!” Hotch immediately scolded but the rest of the team broke into giggles.

“You thought we didn’t know? Seriously, man, I’m offended,” Morgan said from his spot beside Reid, JJ nodding along.

“We’ve known for _months_ , but it was a little funny to watch Reid scramble with the new information. We probably knew before he did.”

“There was whipped cream,” Reid murmured which started a new round of laughter. Looking around the room, Hotch could see they weren’t fucking with him; they’d known, and had known for a while. Shit heads.

“Okay, well then, let’s get on to the case. JJ?”

Pulling Hotch aside while everyone else exited the room was Rossi, stopping his colleague to give him a hug and swat up the back of the head.

“My boy, if I hear of anything happening in my house, I will-“

“-nothing happened in your house Dave, I swear,” Aaron replied which earned him a pat on the shoulder.

“Good man. Now that the relationship is confirmed, I have a couple of questions…”

“Dave,” Aaron groaned but the older man hushed him.

“You’ve been hiding long enough, Aaron.”

Dammit, he was right. Dave being right was common but it didn’t mean he had to like it.

“It happened in New York, after- after the bombing. She… she refused to leave and I guess we just fell together.”

“Bullshit. You two have been jumping around each other since you worked for her mother all those years ago. Don’t lie to me.”

“I was with Haley and I don’t cheat,” Aaron murmured and Dave nodded.

“I know that, but you two had chemistry even when you scolded her for getting too close. Aaron, why now?”

“The bomb, it- I guess we realised life isn’t as long as we thought it was.”

“Didn’t she take you back to your room?”

“Yeah, yeah she did.”

“Jesus, you’re lucky she was there. You were concussed, Aaron, we could all see it.”

“She is the best woman I could ask for,” he said, eyes following her movements in the bullpen. Dave patted his arm.

“Make sure you tell her that.”

So he did. In front of everyone, in the bullpen, Aaron caught Emily’s hand and kissed her.

**Author's Note:**

> Poor Reid really is going to need brain bleach and maybe a week or so off.


End file.
